With the advancements in dating and mating options, there are new terms that are used in the dating world. For every move, for every action and for every feeling- there’s a term to describe the whole situation appropriately. Let’s know more about these techniques and terms that took birth with modern dating. We all have heard of more popular terms like – ghosting, cat fishing, gaslighting, benching etc. But by the end of this article, you’ll get to know about many more terms that are used in the dating world.
Love-bombing
First of all, this technique is mainly used by narcissists to gain power and control over their partner. The literal meaning of ‘love-bombing’ is, when your partner showers you with a lot of love, affection, attention, costly and special gifts- but only with the motive of controlling your life. It’s difficult to figure out when you’re being love bombed because of our high expectations which stems from unrealistic romantic movies- so most of the times it all seems normal to the person receiving it only until their partner start interfering with their personal space and personal life. The major drawback of love bombing is that the person practicing it demands the same number of efforts and attention from the person receiving it. So, it’s very important to set boundaries in such kind of relationship.
Benching
We all have watched some kind of match at least once in our life – for example a cricket match, there are 11 players who are in the team, but there are 4 other players who are also known as ‘extra players’. Now, whether these players are going to play or not depends on those main 11 players. If someone gets injured, or if someone has some other kind of emergency, that is the only time when these extra players sitting on the ‘bench’ gets to play. Do you understand now what benching means? Benching is a technique where the other person tries to keep you around by showing interest in you but, sometimes. They neither let you go completely nor they want to get committed about your relationship with them. By doing this they try to keep their options open.
Breadcrumbing
Has someone ever ignored your messages for 7 days straight but still liked your posts on your Instagram? That’s the perfect example of ‘breadcrumbing’. It is mainly done with the use of modern technology such as Instagram, Facebook, or any other social media platform. ‘Breadcrumbers will send you sporadic messages, … or throw you a like on Instagram just frequently enough so you don’t lose interest, but not too much so the relationship actually moves forward’ (cosmopolitan). Breadcrumbing happens in friendships too – when you tell your friend “Oh, yeah we’ll plan something and meet soon for sure”, when actually you don’t mean it. The reason why people indulge in breadcrumbing is because they don’t want the other person to lose interest in them. People who practice breadcrumbing are either afraid of commitment or they just don’t want to tie themselves with one person.
Roaching
As gross as a cockroach, roaching is a gross dating trend. This term was coined by ‘AskMen’, and matchmaker Susan Trombetti. She says ‘the ickiness of seeing one of these nasty little bugs(cockroaches) but knowing when you turn the lights on, there are lots of them’. It means having many hidden multiple partners to sleep with. The major concern about this technique is the sex health of the person doing it.
Faux-baeing
When someone pretends to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend on their social media when in reality it’s not true, that is known as fauxbaeing. It is mainly done to make an ex jealous or to portray oneself as ‘admirable’ in front of others, via the fake relationship.
Micro-cheating
When we hear the word ‘cheating’- the first word that comes to our mind is having sex with someone who is not your partner. But the truth is, cheating is not only about having sex with someone or kissing someone. Even if you’re emotionally indulged with someone in a secretive way- that also falls under cheating. Anything that you lie about, or keep from your partner is considered as ‘cheating’. According to Tammy Nelson, sex and relationship therapist, PhD, author of The New Monogamy – “Micro-cheating happens when you create small opportunities for affectionate behaviors that fall outside your relationship,”. For example- dressing up for someone else, posting photos for someone else, touching someone else in intimate ways like holding hands, touching their face- with other intentions, choosing to talk to the other person rather than your boyfriend/girlfriend. These are some examples of ‘micro-cheating’.
Hoovering
This simply means when your ex tries to get you back by manipulation. This technique is used by someone who used to share a toxic relationship with you. Do not mistake hoovering with ‘sincere’ efforts of someone who is trying to mend things with you. For example, out of the blue you receive a text from your ex stating that they’d commit suicide if you don’t talk to them, or telling you that they were watching ‘your’ movie and they remembered you. It basically refers to the acts of emotional blackmailing. By doing this, they try to keep you in their orbit.
Catfishing
Now, this is something we all have faced at least once in our life. And most of you must be aware of this term- already. Catfishing is when someone pretends to be someone else on social media platforms. They try to hide their real identity. A catfish uses fake photos or even fake names on social media platforms to find a romantic relationship or to scam people by asking for their personal information or financial support. They have less and weird followers and they avoid video calls.
Ghosting
Another popular term, ghosting means to disappear just like ghosts and to cut ties with someone all of a sudden without any prior discussion or explanation. It’s mainly done online and the main reason is too many choices. When someone ghosts you, the main idea is to drop a hint that they are no longer interested in you. They don’t want any drama or any explanations and justifications, so they just decide to stop responding to your texts and calls.
Slow fade
This technique is mainly used in one- sided romantic relationships. This refers to an act of making everything about the relationship look normal but the real intentions are to fade away from their partner’s life slowly. They choose not to tell their partner directly rather they use this technique. The main reason why people use this technique is to make themselves or their common friends (who already knows about the future breakup) think that they are too kind and nice to not do it directly. Another reason is, the person doing it is not ready for the breakup yet because of their own personal needs which can be emotional, financial or sexual. So, they decide to stay a little longer to fulfil all of these needs or until they find someone new to fill the space.
Cushioning
This mainly happens in the early stages of a relationship, where you and your partner are still figuring out your relationship whether its ‘official’ or not. Cushioning is when someone keep their options open without discussing about it with their current potential partner. The main reason why people use this technique is to not get hurt when they get dumped by their current partner, like savings- we save money so that we can use it in case of any emergency. The person who uses the cushioning technique tries to avoid the hurt by saving people for later. According to Urban Dictionary cushioning is “a dating technique where, along with your main piece, you also have several ‘cushions,’ other people you’ll chat and flirt with to cushion the potential blow of your main breakup and not leave you alone.”
Stashing
If your partner does not include you in their inner circle like close friends or family, and keep your relationship with them as a secret, that is known as stashing. They don’t want their partner to post photos of them together on social media and don’t even let their partner click pictures of them together. There are basically three main reasons why the stasher uses this technique- one is that they might be uncomfortable in telling their family- maybe because of bad relationship with family members, second is they might be seeing someone else too- and don’t want the other partner to find out about you and the third reason is, they are not serious about their relationship with you, so they don’t think of it as something to disclose on social media.
Fishing
Oh! This is the most entertaining and the most pathetic out of all. Have you ever seen or met someone who sends the same message to all the girls/boys in their list? Well, that is known as fishing. After doing that they wait for the replies, and then shortlists the best of them. The ones they don’t like or like ‘less’ they choose not to pursue them further just like throwing the ‘not so good’ fishes back into the pond.
Cricketing
When do you hear the crickets chirping? At night mostly- when there’s pin drop silence. That’s when we clearly hear their sound. Now, what is cricketing? Have you ever left someone on ‘read’ from notifications but dint bother to reply to their messages? Ever ignored someone’s calls even when you were free? Well! that is cricketing, when the other person doesn’t get any response from you but only silence. Why do people use this technique? Mostly it’s because of fear. Sometimes it’s the fear of being perceived as ‘always free’ or ‘too available’, and sometimes the only motive is to frustrate the other person. Another reason is sometimes people know that they are being approached for some kind of work or ‘justification’, so they choose to avoid that situation for the time being, and later acts as if they were really busy, or the phone did not ring , or they were just really caught up.
P.S- Decide for yourself how many techniques were used on you or by you!
