Why do some people ‘overreact’ to something very small?
This is something that we experience and observe on a day-to-day basis. We all have seen people who lose their cool over the smallest of issues that they face and sometimes, we are this person too. When we see someone do this we say, ‘Oh this person had an outburst over something so small’, ‘they are being so dramatic’, ‘they are so loud’- but that is not the case. There are many reasons why people react in such a way. This article is about finding the reasons to understand these outbursts better. Also, we are going to study the ways to handle them and help those who need it around us.
The past trauma has been triggered.
Every time a person tends to react in a way that they usually don’t is usually a sign of a potential big problem. This shows that they have some unresolved pain or trauma that has been triggered. There are three ways of expressing your emotions- one is the open expression, the second is the passive/ indirect expression of emotions and the third is no expression at all. When we say ‘over-reacting’, it is majorly experienced by people who either try to hold back their true emotions because maybe they want to be perceived as understanding or simply out of love or by someone unable to just express their emotions well. When they finally reach the overreacting stage, they do so because they are no longer able to contain their anxiety anymore. Since they have been bottling up their emotions for too long- it’s difficult for them to react or convey their feelings in a normal way. Hence the outburst.
Environment plays a major role too
Sometimes people overreact because of the environment that they are in. For instance, if someone is stuck in traffic or an elevator for too long, it makes them restless and irritable, which results in overreacting. People also use overreacting as their defence mechanism against potential threats or dangers. They use it as a shield so that they don’t have to face the consequences of being in a stressful situation. Then some people simply overreact because of stress- sometimes when they are hungry or sometimes when they get stuck in long work meeting, etc. and then they find it difficult to behave rationally.
Overreaction in relationships
So, as human beings, we all have different personalities- introverts, extroverts, ambiverts, etc. Some of us are more expressive some are less expressive, and some are just indifferent towards emotions. When it comes to relationships or friendships- all of us have different ways of maintaining them. No relationship is not affected by circumstances. And when there’s some kind of disagreement or argument, we all have our ways of handling it. People sit as adults and talk about it discuss it in depth and reach a solution or a conclusion. But sometimes that is an impossible thing to do. As a result, one of them might try to compromise for the sake of love and because they do it once, it might be expected from them to do it again and again. But what happens after that? The person who was compromising throughout might feel exploited and manipulated and they might end up overreacting in that situation. The main lesson from this is, don’t try to understand more than you can take because sooner or later it is going to result in some kind of outburst. This outburst is going to affect the relationship way more than it would have affected it earlier when you were trying to compromise. These explosions should be understood at a deeper level by both partners if they want their relationship to be long-lasting. And instead of spoiling your partner by compromising – one needs to be honest with the way they feel about something. If they accept it well and good, if they don’t, then either try to find a way that works well for both of you or just let them go for good. Because anyways you won’t be able to compromise forever in such a relationship. The healthy way to deal with such situations can only be done by being supportive and accepting, if you truly feel that your partner’s intentions are pure and unharmful, try to provide them a safe and loving environment where they can just sit and express themselves honestly.
Ways to deal with outbursts
Be aware of your triggers
The first and the most important way to deal with outbursts is by being aware. You should be aware of your triggers and your emotional vulnerabilities. For every person these triggers are different depending upon the situation that they are in sometimes it can be hunger, sometimes it is the lack of sleep, sometimes it’s being too understanding, or the conflicts or fights happening within your environment- at home or work or the relationship that you are in. Sometimes the triggers are psychological- such as depression, anxiety, stress, and insecurities. So the best way to avoid outbursts starts by knowing your state of being because by knowing it you can come up with a plan of action to avoid facing such situations.
Be realistic about expectations
Sometimes we tend to expect too much from the people around us and we start thinking that whatever they have been doing for us should be done by them every time. And when it doesn’t happen that way, we tend to overreact or raise questions on the entire foundation of that relationship. But life doesn’t work that way. If someone does something for you it’s because of the bond that they share with you, it’s not because they are bound to, or they must do it. We as human beings need to set realistic expectations from people around us. We must remember that they are human beings like us too- and life is not just about receiving. Life is about delivering, receiving, accepting, and understanding. But when we are on the receiving end most of the time, we forget that we are supposed to deliver too.
Learn to say no when needed
One thing that most people learn to educate themselves about is ‘assertive communication’. Assertive communication is a healthy medium between being overly passive and behaving aggressively toward others. Adopting an assertive approach means voicing your thoughts honestly and directly, in an open manner. When we communicate assertively, we assume responsibility for our behaviors without shifting the blame to those around us. Let me ask you a question. How many times have you put yourself second in your relationship? Or how many times has your partner agreed to something that you wanted them to do without any questions? Whatever the answer you must understand whether you are on the receiving end or the delivering end. Many times, we stop ourselves from expressing how we truly feel about something just because we don’t want to hurt someone. And we end up doing something that we did not want to. It happens because we tend to prioritize our partner’s emotions or needs over our own. Do not misunderstand being assertive with being aggressive or rude. If you want to practice assertive communication here’s the link to start practicing now( https://studylib.net/doc/25760648/assertive-communication-worksheet)
Seek support when things go out of hand
Sometimes all we need is our friends and our near and dear ones. But there are times when we feel stressed most of the time and are unable to deal with that kind of stress and pain daily, that means the roots are deep. When you find yourself in the latter situation, seeking professional help is a must. The advantages of seeking professional help are many but the main one is no fear of judgement. Seeking professional help also means that you’ll get to know more about your emotional outbursts as professional mental health practitioners can help you explore more about the causes of your trauma and unresolved pain.
Life isn’t always predictable and some incidents or accidents might happen and leave us devastated. Sometimes we are prepared and sometimes we are not, sometimes we handle them well and sometimes we are unable to. And most of the time we end up overreacting because of our uncontrollable emotions and unjustified expectations of others. What we shouldn’t forget is nobody is perfect including ourselves. Instead of keeping things to yourself for a long time – one should try to resolve them the moment it happens. By doing so, you’ll do yourself a big favour. Because sooner or later, good or bad, it is going to come out. Now it depends on you if you want to let it out on it’s own or you want to talk it out.
PS: Unleash in the right time and place before you explode at the wrong time and place - Oli Anderson
