What is ‘zeigarnik effect’?
Do you often find yourself lost in thoughts of unfinished tasks? Do you know why it happens so often? In the 1920s Russian psychologist and psychiatrist Bluma Wulfovna Zeigarnik published about the Zeigarnik effect. She was dining at a restaurant when she noticed that waiters remembered more about the complex and unfulfilled orders rather than simpler and paid orders. This incident intrigued her and later she performed a series of tests on 138 children. The children were asked to solve arithmetic problems and puzzles. Zeigarnik let them perform half of their test uninterrupted but interrupted them in the other half of the test. Later when she asked the children to recall the tasks, 110 out of 138 children were able to recall the interrupted tasks better than the uninterrupted ones. Later she performed the same experiment on adults and found out that 90% of the adult participants were able to recall the unfinished tasks better. It is a fact that humans tend to remember more about incomplete tasks rather than completed ones.
What makes the zeigarnik effect so effective?
The reason why they were able to recall the interrupted tasks was the ‘cognitive tension’ that arises because of unfulfilled tasks. Sometimes we find ourselves worrying about unfinished work projects, school homework, a conversation that did not end well, and other unfulfilled tasks. It happens because of the same cognitive tension. Even in the entertainment industry, they use the Zeigarnik effect to keep their audience hooked for the next season, next part, or the next episode of series.
The role that it plays in our relationships
When it comes to relationships, we often find ourselves in some difficult situations. Sometimes we find it difficult to let go of a relationship that is neither healthy for us nor for our partner. We get lost in those thoughts which keep taking us back to the mistakes we made, the regrets we’ve had while we were in that relationship. These are the effects of the zeigarnik effect. Not many people are aware of this psychological term, but we do know about how it makes us feel. There are times when many people around us keep advising us to move away from an unhealthy relationship, but we are unable to even after knowing that it won’t work out. It all stems from the zeigarnik effect. It makes it difficult for us to move on from a relationship instantly.
The clash between “reality and desire“
Our subconscious plays a very important role in our lives and the decisions we make. The subconscious makes us pay more attention to the tasks that are needed to be finished. It can be an unwanted breakup, a fight, or a closure that never happened. It usually happens because of the clash between reality and desires. Sometimes it’s difficult for us as human beings to accept the reality as it is. We prefer to focus more on dreaming and planning about achieving our desires. It is because of this clash between our desires and our reality that we find ourselves going through so much of cognitive tension in our day-to-day life.
No closure makes it harder to move-on
Sometimes we find ourselves in situations that are beyond our control. For example- if you are in a relationship and things are not going well for you and your partner, because of which your partner wants to walk away from that relationship but you don’t want to – it results in a conflict of interests between you both. After the breakup, you might find yourself thinking about them all the time, or you might wait for their calls or messages all day long- thinking that they might get back. This situation when you keep thinking about getting back with your partner or being lost in your memories with them is all because of the zeigarnik effect. It happens because it wasn’t mutual- it happens because sometimes we are not ready to let go of a person.
From changing positions in bed to imagining conversations
The zeigarnik effect affects our day-to-day life activities. We sometimes find it difficult to sleep even after being so tired after a long day at work. Sometimes we keep changing positions in bed because of overthinking. We imagine scenarios that might happen someday and we plan conversations that we might get into . Have you ever recreated a conversation in your head but with different answers? Well, that’s the effect of the zeigarnik effect.
How it affects our current relationships?
Do you ever find yourself thinking about how your relationship used to be? The way things were between you and your partner when you initially started dating. The things you and your partner used to do to make each other feel special during the honeymoon period of your relationship? We often want to do things the way they were years ago- but after spending years together, we are unable to find that spark in our relationships, and we wish for things to happen exactly the same way or hope to feel just the same way as we used to during the honeymoon period. It’s because of the zeigarnik effect that we focus more on ‘what if’s’ and ‘how it used to be’ more, instead of focusing on ‘how it is in reality’. Most of the problems between married couples arises because of these reasons. Your wife or your husband might complain about how you used to make them feel earlier and how you make them feel now. But we must understand, with time our responsibilities and priorities changes. That doesn’t mean that the love, care and respect changes too, it’s just that nobody can ever do anything the same way again. Moreover, the most crucial reason why couples get comfortable in their relationship is because of the ‘safety’ that your relationship holds. But if you feel that your partner is taking you lightly and not paying attention to your existence in their life, then you must confront your partner regarding the same.
Do not read ‘how to get my ex back”
For someone who is going through a break-up, If you find yourself going through the zeigarnik effect, then it might not be very easy to change and work on it instantly. But you need to remind yourself of your self-worth. Maybe or maybe not, you and your partner might get back together, but if it’ll be forced it’s never going to be good for any of you. After ending a relationship it gets difficult to start imagining your life alone, but if that relationship is not healthy, then there is no use to stumble upon a relationship because it only gets worse with time. Do not try to find reasons to make them stay or to get back with them. For a relationship to work well, both partners should be on the same page- there shouldn’t be a clash between you and your partner’s reality and desires. Do not try to read articles or watch videos on “how to get back with my ex?”. The more you invest yourself in thinking about them, the more harm it’s going to cause to you.
If your emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far- Daniel Goleman
